Most people say the same sentence at some point in their lives: I want to be happy.
What too few do, though, is stop to examine what that sentence actually means.
If one takes the time to think deeply about the concept of happiness, one will realize that every word in this sentence points to something essential in the process of achieving a state of human thriving we call happiness. Those four words represent the different prerequisites and stages one has to go through in order to achieve a state of happiness
Happiness is not a fleeting feeling or a state of mind you stumble upon. It is a process with structure. I call that structure the Happiness Pyramid.
Like in the sentence “I want to be happy,” the pyramid has four components, or foundations, and each one is required. Skip any level, and happiness becomes unstable, inauthentic, fake, or completely unachievable, depending on the level of compromise or evasion.
Let’s break down those four components using the words of the phrase, which I hope drives the arrow of your life: “I want to be happy.”
Level One: “I” — Knowing Who You Are
The foundation of happiness is the “I.” Before you can pursue happiness, you need to know who the “I” actually is. Who are you as a person? What is your nature? What do you respond to?
You cannot see yourself directly. You experience yourself through the things you find meaningful. Your interests, curiosities, attractions, and reactions are not random. They are mirrors reflecting different facets of your identity. Self-knowledge comes from paying attention to those reflections and integrating them into a coherent sense of self.
Many people never reach this basic “know thyself” level. Some are taught that the self does not matter, that their happiness is secondary to serving others, a collective, or something bigger than themselves.
Others simply never learn how to introspect. They float through life, absorbing goals from culture by osmosis, checking boxes they were told to check. They never discover who they are as unique individuals. Without identity, the rest of the pyramid collapses. Read Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead to understand the devastating price one pays for living a “second-handed” life.
Know Thyself. Seriously. (Chapter 3 in my recent book).
Level Two: “Want” — Learning How to Desire
Once you know who you are, the next step is learning how to want. Being a wanter (this concept is so misunderstood that we don’t even have a proper word for it in English), is the fuel that drives our lives. We are born wanters, and desireres (another word the spellchecker wants me to fix), but in many cases it is systematically beaten out of us.
Wanting is the energy of a human life. Wanting is vision. It is the ability to imagine a future that excites you and to desire it deeply enough to pursue it. Wanting is the expression of our human capacity to conceptualize, envision, plan, and shape the world around us with the power of that vision. Many people do not develop this ability deeply. They choose safety, predictability, and conformity instead. They settle for “good enough” lives and tell themselves that wanting more is naïve or dangerous. When wanting disappears, motivation disappears with it. There is no fuel for action.
There’s a powerful quote in Ayn Rand’s We The Living where Kira, the heroine of that amazing novel, talks about wanting:
“Now look at me! Take a good look! I was born and I knew I was alive and I knew what I wanted. What do you think is alive in me? Why do you think I’m alive? Because I have a stomach and eat and digest the food? Because I breathe and work and produce more food to digest? Or because I know what I want, and that something which knows how to want—isn’t that life itself? And who—in this damned universe—who can tell me why I should live for anything but for that which I want?”
The truth is simple: life is about pursuing the things you want. Every story you have ever loved exists because someone wanted something badly and was willing to struggle for it. Wanting is not the enemy of happiness. It is the engine, the driver, it is the uniting force that gives us purpose, direction, and the strength to overcome obstacles, challenges, and hardships. It is the investment we make to cash in with the currency of happiness: self-esteem.
The cost that so many people pay for defaulting on the first level of never defining their “I” is that they mostly focus on second-hand wants and desires. They want what other people want because they never learned how to generate their own visions. They borrow or submit to other people’s visions and wonder why genuine happiness and self-esteem don’t come to them as rewards.
Want Well. (Chapter 5 in my recent book).
Level Three: “Be” — Becoming the Kind of Person Who Achieves
Wanting is not enough. The third level is being the kind of person who goes after what they want.
This level requires character. It involves risk-taking, resilience, planning, focus, and the willingness to fail and try again. Many people stop here. They dream, but they never act. Or they act halfway, compromise early, and tell themselves it was never possible anyway.
Often, what is missing is self-esteem. The belief that you are capable of achieving meaningful goals, of expressing who you are and what you want to create in this world, of showing yourself and the world around you your uniqueness, your individuality, your true self.
Defaulting on “being” happy means living a life of “One day I will…” or “If only I could…” and eventually a life “I wish I did…”
People who truly know how to want usually learn how to get it as well. They break big visions into steps. They prepare for obstacles. They persist. This is the heroic stage of life, the friction-rich stage in which you shape the world rather than drifting through it.
Happiness is Built. So Turn ‘One Day’ into ‘Day One.’ (Chapters 9 and 10 in my recent book).
Level Four: “Happy” — Learning How to Cash In
The final level is the most tragic to miss.
Some people do everything right. They know who they are. They know what they want. They go out and achieve them. And then they feel empty or, in many cases, guilty.
Why? Because they never learned how to derive happiness from their achievements. They cannot allow themselves to feel proud. They downplay their progress. They feel guilty for enjoying success. Sometimes this comes from bad philosophy. Sometimes from bad psychology. Either way, they never “cash in” on the values they pursued.
Healthy happiness requires a self-image that says, “I earned this. I grew. I deserve to enjoy what I have built.” Reflection, self-appreciation, self-justice, and pride are not optional. They are part of the process.
Happiness requires that last mile of turning your achievements into that state of consciousness we call happiness. It takes work to objectively see and appreciate the causal connections between the self-knowledge, the wanting, and the achievements that you made possible.
Achievement is causal, and so is your happiness.
So Never Break The Chain. (Chapter 12 in my recent book).
Why People Get the Happiness Pyramid Wrong
People fail at happiness in predictable ways. Some never build the foundation. They do not know who they are. Others know themselves but never learn how to want. Many want but never act. And some act but never allow themselves to enjoy the results.
Culture often works against the pyramid. It discourages self-assertion, ambition, pride, and personal fulfillment. It teaches people to feel embarrassed about wanting, achieving, and being happy. As a result, many people live at half capacity, or less, never realizing how much more is possible.
Happiness is a skill, not a state you can emote yourself into.
Happiness is earned, not a reward you can borrow or steal from someone else.
Happiness is a climate, not a passing mood.
Happiness is the purpose of a human life, not a random, fleeting byproduct of a purposeless one.
Happiness is a state of consciousness that results from identifying and achieving your rational, authentic values. It requires the right philosophy, the right psychology, and the right happiness skills (see Chapter 3 of this book).
This process never ends. Life is a series of value pursuits across three (plus one) domains: work, relationships, health & rejuvenation, and wealth. Each cycle builds on the last. As you grow, your vision expands. New mountain tops appear. New adventures, new opportunities reveal themselves to you as a reward for your climbing.
Most people never learn what happiness actually is, let alone how to build it. They settle for a safe life, a comfortable routine, and call it enough. I do not think that is enough.
“The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it’s yours.” (Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged)
Happiness is the ultimate achievement. And it is possible.